for those who are not familiar with twitter, the story goes bottom-up.

tell me, what do you feel after reading these tweets?

sad? unbelievable? outrage? hopeless? disturbed?

this piece of news disturbed me alright. what happened to our ‘loving and caring’ society? have we been replaced by blood-suckers, opportunistic, narcissistic society who cares nothing about the plight of the one next to us?

are we going to become the next China?

remember how the video of a chinese toddler was ran over, not once, but twice, by pickup trucks and left for dead? no one came to her aid for hours before an old woman finally picked her up and called for help?

i can see that this can happen to us if we are still being ignorant.

we are no longer the same country we were told by the media. these tweets opened my eyes. we are very sick!

i wonder, what went wrong? since when does our generation becomes so ruthless, so evil that we do not think twice about robbing a helpless victim? read the timeline; it’s not just ONE incident. the victim was robbed again and again by different people!

for those who likes to blame the victim for every mishap, would you blame the victim in this incident?

we can easily point fingers to sexy girls for ‘inviting’ rape.

we can blame house-owners whose house got robbed for leaving their stuff unattended.

we blame girls for putting their handbag on the passenger seat and got their windows smashed at a traffic light.

the victims in every scenario i mentioned above, in my utmost humble opinion, are not the one at fault, nor any of you should point your fingers to them.

yes, we should be careful. yes, we should not be stupid enough to follow a stranger to a strange house/area, lest you will be raped, but the victim should NEVER be blamed for the mishaps that happen to them. do they want to be raped? i don’t think so.

but,

who is to be blamed actually?

i read this in one of my friend’s facebook:

Pada masa kekhalifahan sayyidina Ali, ada seorang sahabat bertanya kepadanya ”wahai sayyidina Ali, kenapa pada masa pemerintahan anda keadaan umat islam semakin kacau bilau, pemberontakan dimana-mana dan masih banyak kerusuhan lainnya, padahal dulu pada masa nabi, Abu Bakar As-Shiddiq, Umar Ibn al-Khattab, dan Ustman bin Affan tidak demikian. Umat Islam ketika itu aman, tentram, damai, sejahtera dan jauh dari berbagai konflik?” dengan tenang, khalifah menjawab, ”ya, itu memang benar. Kerana pada masa itu yang menjadi rakyatnya adalah saya, sedangkan sekarang, rakyatnya adalah kamu”.

touche’, eh?

what went wrong? is our educational system not good enough? are we so pressed by the economy that we become so opportunistic?

there’s a piece written by Zaharuddin in his website titled: Ulama’ and Penjenayah dibentuk dari rumah. to be honest, i have not read the article but the title says it all, no?

we have to set a good example for our children. we have been led astray by what the world can offer us, and we often neglect the nourishment our souls need.

the chase for the world riches and the chase for the Hereafter should be done equally.

Allah tidak suka dengan orang yang berlebih-lebihan.

in the first 7 surahs, this ayat is mentioned multiple times in various incidents – food, the fight again the transgressors, sadaqah, harta anak yatim and so on.

when you read the whole context, you find there’s a sense of tranquility seeps into you.

and in my husband’s famous words: we have to find our way home.

clarinase failed me the second night. i was scratching everywhere, the breakouts are all over the place and i was seriously tired. i lost my appetite and i couldn’t sleep.

i managed to get some sleep after Subuh and woke up at 10 AM and made a mad dash to my favourite clinic. the doc prescribed me with prednisolone (a type of steroid) and loratadine (anti-histamine. clarinase contains the same amount of loratadine that the doc prescribed me). he also gave me a cleansing soap.

so far, Alhamdulillah, the drugs are working. i still get the itch at times, but the outbreaks are suppressed (they didn’t grew)

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah.

for one who is a life-long allergy sufferer, i got to know the medicine and what it does.

allergy reactions are basically signs that your body is producing histamines when an allergen is introduced. so to stop the reactions, doc will usually prescribed anti-histamines drugs.

clarinase are often prescribed if you have a cold/flu since cold/flu are usually attributed to allergy reactions. it contains both loratadine (anti-histamine) and another drug that do something to your sinus (google please) to help with congested nose. and clarinase does not cause drowsiness.

i was expecting something stronger than loratadine but well, if it works, it works

prednisolone is a type of corticosteroid and one of its function is as an anti-inflammatory drugs. i guess this is the one that help surpressed the hives outbreaks.

i sometimes likes to learn about these type of drugs. hehe.

*

i have skin allergies.

i’m allergic to soil – but only on my fingers. everytime i tended to my garden (a pot of tumeric plant, my garden nonetheless. tee hee hee), i’d end up having itchy fingers and it would later dry and then cracks, leaving a huge gash. every single time!

but i persevere, although it gets painful at times, but i’m not going to allow a simple allergy to stop me from doing what i like

i used to have quite severe skin allergies on both of my feet too. back when i was small, every visit to the beach will always end up with me heading to the clinic for my dose of potassium manganate solution. the purple solution we learned in chemistry mom was truly patience with me back then since we did quite a lot of outdoor activities.

i hah had boils on my toes. itchy, wet and painful when i had these attacks.

back in Langkawi, during a homeroom dinner at one of the beach, i accidentally stepped on a black’s ants nest. the resulting scratching caused me to have swollen leg (and nearly got an infection) and a few days in the hospital for ozone treatment.

these days, i no longer have the allergy to beach sands (or whatever that triggers the allergy) but i still do have allergy to soils on my fingers, and funnily enough, they always attack my right index finger. hmm.

but.

i don’t have any allergy to food, unless if i have a wound somewhere, then it’ll be itchy but everyone is susceptible to it.

but today, oh, today.

i came back from a kenduri in Paya Jaras (a place i have heard but no idea where) feeling OK but a little bit too sleepy.

so, i slept. for 4 hours only to wake up with a very itchy foot. i did not put much stock into it. then i saw a few other areas where they looked like they were bitten by mosquitoes. and it was itchy as hell!

i did thought they were mosquito bites but when later i realised the sizes of them grew everytime i scratched them, they were not bites, they were hives!

it got real worse when i was having a bath (even with hot water and douse of diluted dettol). both my legs were so itchy and swollen after the scratching. i was so frustrated and wanted to cry because oh my god, the more i scratched, the bigger it got.

hive happens due to food or medicine allergy. and i hope it will only take a few hours to relieve itself because i read it can take hours to a few weeks for the body to get rid of the allergen. i cannot tolerate weeks of hives attack! i’ll die of scratching

so, i had a dose of clarinase (antihistamine) and we’ll see whether it’ll help with the itchiness.

if it gets worse tomorrow, i’ll get myself an antihistamine shot.

*hives are also called kaligata or gegata in our language.

but when i clicked on one of the boxes, it lead me to a site for signing a petition opposing SOPA

this is one way of doing a demo, as we, Malaysians, love to call it. the simplest, easiest way to show solidarity.

apart from this, wikipedia is going through a blackout for the day.

this is actually interesting, no?

i was only scheming through an article about SOPA (online piracy act) and PIPA (intellectual property act) so, please google it for more information yek?

he asked me once and then moved on to another table when i shook my head.

he was a bit more forceful at the other table, trying to sell his stuff.

it touched my heart to see how he works so hard for a living. he looks foreign to me and my first impression was that he was forced by the syndicate that brought him here to sell things.

it was so difficult to look at. i feel pain in my heart and i prayed to God that none of my families and friends will have to do what he’s doing just to put food on the table. in the end, if he sells 10 of those, take an intelligent guess how much of the profits that goes into his pocket?

we have been approached by many kinds for donations – kids from religious school selling raisins for a hefty price, prayer cards and such, and handicapped men being led by fully-abled women selling tissues from table to table.

the first kind: kids from religious schools.

this has been brought up again and again in the media before yet this activities are still rampant in KL. i once saw a kid being hesitant at the entrance of a restaurant but he had to do it, he had to put on a thick skin, going from table to table selling prayer cards. he must have a ‘sales target’ he needs to meet every night.

this is child labour! where are the parents? why aren’t the parents helping them get out of the situation? how would you feel if your kid has to do the same thing?

what happened? were they from some orphanage hence the reason why there are no parents to stop them? who would do that to the orphans? do you know how Allah looks at orphans? they even have a place in the Al-Quran, being mentioned again and again!

and they blatantly misused their responsibilities to earn a little bit extra every month?

where are the relatives?

if they weren’t orphaned, what kind of parents would allow such things to happen to their kids? did they abandoned the kids there and never once asked about their well-being? why? why would you waste such a beautiful gift from God? Ask! Ask the kids what they did every night. do not takes things for granted!

then, the second kind: blind men selling tissues, being led by fully-abled women.

the men are being used! why did she made him go through such things? you made him begged and sell tissue packets. did you stash the earnings at the end of the day? i was so angry everytime i see this because in my mind, these women are using the poor men’s disability for their own benefit! you are definitely able to work, why are you using them? have you no dignity? have you no pride?

my blood boils everytime i think about this.

where is our PPZ? i paid zakat every month, yet i still see this! i still read about families in poverty. Selangor has the highest collections of zakat! help them poor! help build schools/houses, provide free educations for the needy. we need to uplift their kids so that they can bring the families away from the streets!

provide scholarships to poor children, not just the brainy ones. everyone needs education!

we have a problem with bureaucracy. stupid bureaucracy; paperwork after paperwork, forms after forms. c’mon, wake up!

this has stray away from what i started, but it all boils down to my frustration of not being able to do anything at all to change things. arrrghhh!

i really do. especially if it hits when hubby isn’t around. having hubby around, i won’t have to think about it. actually, i won’t even have time for myself. it’s good, you know, so i don’t have to be feeling like this. i hate this.

all those pain and sadness, loneliness and heartache that had not mattered before, came snowballing to me. and when the dam breaks, all hell breaks loose.

i’m only one person. i can’t deal with all these by myself. i’m just one person…

i really want us to be a family. i want to hear the heartbeat on the monitor, feeling the kick in the tummy, going through childbirth, raising kids our way. i want to be annoyed when the baby throw his tantrums, refusing milk or food, nipple cracks, back pains… you name it. i want to feel the tiredness of having to care for a toddler who just found his feet. i want to run around, chasing after my baby.

right now, i am willing trade in everything just so i could be annoyed at my own kid.

i feel like i’m missing out on the greatest thing out there when everyone else is sharing their joy, enjoying through their pregnancies.

mommyhood has been eluding me.

i won’t complain on lack of sleep. i won’t complain on being exhausted. i won’t complain of not having enough for myself. i won’t complain if the baby sucks all my energy just so i can take care of him/her.

somehow, i miss my baby. can we miss something that isn’t even real?

i feel so powerless.

i feel like giving up.

i’m just beyond exhausted. my mind is close to shutting down. i’m on autopilot mode this weekend. but i managed to accompany my sister to her supplier’s store (i had to follow to babysit the 2 kids) and managed to make a quick visit to Jusco as well.

my in-laws are moving in by end of the week and they have already started transferring stuff here. being me, i just dislike looking at boxes after boxes piling up in the store room.

so, i took the liberty to wash every cups and plates and wrapped them up in newspaper before transferring them into the new toyogo i bought at Jusco.

tedious and energy-consuming work but i needed to do something like that.

these cups and plates were previously owned by my husband’s grandmother and also my late MIL. they are now passed down to them but they just couldn’t find the place to store them properly nor find a use for them (there are just so many of them!). i have not taken into account the kitchenware that are not in boxes.

there are only 5 of them and there’s no kenduris being held at the house so all these stuff are collecting dusts in their boxes.

i have also found something really strange this weekend. my colleagues from other parts of the world were still answering e-mails until saturday night! they were discussing on something’s not related to me but for them to have a discussion well into saturday is a bit unnerving.

but, i’ve also found out that the CEO is pretty happy with the proposed arrangement, and yours truly will continue on working, even in Abu Dhabi. wooohooo!

no longer have to be worried about my career (stagnant or not stagnant, having a job is still a big deal for me)

i’m going to start preparing documents for my visa application and i’ll be on my way soon!

i can’t wait to see hubby again! *sigh*

so soon after posting the entry, i read this:

Allah does not like the public mention of evil except by one who has been wronged. And ever is Allah Hearing and Knowing [4:148]

the post was about me saying bad things about a certain someone.

“Siapa menutup aib seseorang Islam, maka Allah akan tutupkan aibnya di dunia dan di akhirat. (Hadis riwayat at-Tirmidzi)

Thank god i posted at 4 AM and nobody got the chance to read it.

hmmm.

the year started with us moving to our rented home. an empty house when we got in but i believe we have successfully changed this house into our home. it was nothing extravagant;  but it’s a place we called home and i loved all of it including its imperfections.

this is also a reason why i find it hard to move in to my parents’ house again. i can no longer called my parents’ place ‘home’, you know?

we bought everything in this house with our own hard-earned money (mostly hubby’s actually ) so it is really hard letting go of our possessions. my in-laws will move in to this house soon but still, we can no longer call this our own crib. sad, really.

#2011 also marks the year where i got pregnant twice, and miscarried twice. not many relatives know that i had a second miscarriage, so i was pretty stumped when they asked about trying again. i got tongue-tied, i smiled and  then, i walked away.

but one good thing about this is that we now know that we did not have any problem of conceiving. the problem is now making sure that the pregnancy survives

the last 2 weeks had been quite tense for both of us. i was 2 weeks late and so soon after the previous D&C, i got pretty disconcerted. but after 3 negatives, it finally decided to show up – on the day hubby left! hah. i guess  my hormones is still in haywire.

we celebrated our 2nd year anniversary in November (time really flies!), and guess what, we celebrated this day away from each other! the day coincide with Eidul Adha and yes, that also marked the first time i celebrated Eid without my husband.

but #2011 has been a lot kinder to us – our schedules weren’t as hectic as our first year together. i still remember how bad it was during the first 6-7 months of our marriage, where none of us were home long enough to enjoy married life and our work trips, had never happened on the same week. we met like 3-4 days before either of us need to fly off again.

this year, Alhamdulillah, i wasn’t called out that often anymore and i’m pretty much more stable now. he still needs to travel, sometimes for a long period of time, but that is the nature of his work. his works in Abu Dhabi will roughly be the same i.e. he still needs to travel but inshaAllah, everything will be better.

#2011 is also the year we had a quick getaway – to Singapore! thanks to Dot, she gave us the best excuse to head down south since KK (our honeymoon), we were bogged down by work and other commitments and we rarely had free weekends. we can never really take long leaves for a getaway, especially hubby since he can get only a moment’s notice of when he needs to mobilise. i am so much thankful that we already went for our honeymoon!

the Singapore trip was only for 6 hours but it changed our routine for a bit and that gave a nice breathe of fresh air

speaking of Dot, this year i received, like, a hundred of them wedding invitations! but i only went to a handful of them (i’m a bad, bad friend). i guess i am at the age where everyone wants to get married. in a few years, i wouldn’t receive anymore wedding invitations from friends and will have to wait 20 odd years for the next wedding invitations – their kids, of course

all in all, #2011 has been quite challenging for me. #2012 will hopefully be more interesting, what’s with me moving to a different continent. for the better or for the worse, we shall see