either that or i’m just being unreasonably sensitive
i’ve been really busy at work and with me working 2 jobs at the moment, i hardly had any spare time to be idling around. since mr fiancé won’t allow me to stay at the office longer than 530 PM due to safety reasons (the building and the road can be dangerously quiet at night), i decided to continue doing my work at home. and that would mean, from 8 PM till at least 11 PM.
either i’m a workaholic, or i’m just inefficient…
and that would also mean less time for mr. fiancé… and he is also occupied with his project, trying to meet the deadline.
what made it worse is that i’m really moody when it comes to that time of the month…. 
every single thing irritates me. i became sensitive over something so childish.
we fought a lot for the last 3 days… over something so embarrassingly stupid. my head’s telling me that i’m being stupidly sensitive and that i shouldn’t be this way but the ego in me told me to keep feeding my mood swings.. to be unreasonably sensitive, to be unimaginably egoistic and immaturely big-headed. (too many adjectives?? haha!)
one of my vices that i wish i can get rid of is that the need to inflict some pain to the person who has enraged me.
for instance, when i’m mad at him, i will do something that i know will enrage him or say something that will definitely hurt him. or sometimes, even both…
you see, when that happen… even when the reason of a disagreement is small, it’ll be blown out of propotion at the end of the conflict…
i’m being rebellious, you can say, but then, i shouldn’t be! i’m 23 going on 24 y.o! i am really embarrassed with my own behaviour and yet i still can’t stop myself from doing it! stupid, ey? i KNOW that it’s not right and YET i still did it…
that’s the reason that i’ve warned him from the start that i can be really difficult sometimes…
4 Comments
No, there’s nothing wrong with you really. It is just the stage of getting to know each other and accepting ones bad and good. Perhaps when you feel that he’s the right one and you think you have somewhat a guaranteed/stable relationship that you are finally showing who you really are.
I went through that stage too
. I was just as difficult as you, getting mad, irritated and annoyed over the smallest things but over years, I guess the relationship matures you.
Take it easy dear and cool down. Rather than thinking about stuff that makes you get mad, try to think about the good sides of him and why you wanna be with him.
I’m sure you guys will be okay. Don’t worry
Agree wit nawar…..first few years mmg mcm tuh…trying to get to know each other (including each other’s temper)….
In my case, in the 3rd year baru kitorg kurg bergaduh….u’ll start to give and take…him too…
So, like nawar said, ur realtionship will mature over time =)…
to me, the awareness is just enough to start with. From that point you can to work it out slowly. Well, nobody is perfect by the way.
So, I suggest when you are being flamed, calm urself. Easy for me to say ey? im having the same problem too. stil couping with it. sometimes it works, sometimes i will just go wild over small silly milly stupid things.
Then when come to think of it again, yeah i look stupid acting like that. And that feelings/thoughts of self embarrasment is what I wanna avoid. I hate to think that i am stupid.
So i believe, u can do the same with some determination n wise judgement.
hehehe.
thanks for the words of encouragement guys!
you see, it’s due to my inability to think rationally when i’m in one of my mood and the inability to be patient when i was moody that caused all these problems.
but it’s also true that we’re learning about each other. how i handled my temper, how he handled his… more to come i reckon, but hey, that’s why we called it a relationship, huh?
and every relationship has its ups and downs and i’m reminding myself again and again that he’s not a saint, and neither am i. and we both haven’t seen the worst side of each other yet so i guess this is the first step to learn about each other.
i’ve also been constantly warned that loads of conflicts that were never there before will appear when u r engaged. i guess, this is a test of strength of our relationship.
but we’re now back to be a lovey-dovey couple
thanks to him, though… if it were to me, it’ll drag on till my mood swing subsides… 
hehehehehehe